How To Get Yourself A Girlfriend
Before we get into this week's question, I have something
VERY important to tell you. If you haven't gotten
yourself a copy of my "Sexual Communication" program,
you need to go and get it now. It's killer.
And it's
here:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingAdvice.com/SexualCommunication/
Onward...
THIS WEEK'S QUESTION:
David, you have helped me a lot so far, and I feel
like I am somewhat of a different person now compared
to before by reading your dating tips etc. I met
a girl not too long ago, she is a couple hours away
from me, and I put to work a lot of what you had said
since talking to her online, and during my meeting
with her, and it all went very well. We spent two
awesome nights together, and I gave her a ride up
to the city on my way home, and the whole time she
was playing with my hair and holding my hand. I was
sad to say bye, and I tried keeping my composure saying
bye to her and since when we have talked on the net,
and I have tried "leaning back" more...it is hard. I
even have been trying to talk to and meet other women
(I might have another fun day tomorrow lol) but all
the same, I like this one in particular, and I am unsure
of how to bring up and try and head towards a relationship
with her (at least talking with her about it) without
starting to look like a wuss. I know from experience
that once the wuss factor kicks in I can kiss any chance
goodbye and will just be a LJBF for the girl. Do I just
try playing it cool and hope she comes to me, and just
try going with other girls in the meantime, or do I
approach her...and if I do what do I say? I know she
does have some feelings for me, I kind of brought it
up (minor wuss episode). I want to on one hand be able
to know how to deal with women before getting involved
seriously with one, but if I met one I want already,
then I would be happy with that. I think I would enjoy
a long term relationship. What should I do man? Thanks
for everything, you're the best.
JR
MY COMMENTS:
This is a really good question... In fact, I think
that a lot of guys really wonder "Is there anything
I should do DIFFERENTLY if I'd like this to turn into
a relationship?"
I need to mention a couple of things here before
we go into this topic:
I don't normally talk about "relationships". This
isn't because I think that there's anything wrong with
them, or have something against them. In fact, I think
that relationships are great, and if you're fortunate
enough to find an exceptional woman (and you're the
type that wants a relationship), that it can be a
very fulfilling part of life.
I've just decided to focus on the "meeting and
dating" part of the equation. There are 100 books
out there on relationships, but very few on how to
meet women in the first place (and in my experience,
most of the relationship books aren't that great either).
So don't take my lack of addressing relationships
as me thinking that you should avoid them. If you want
to have a relationship, go for it.
The reason why I'd like to address this question
is I think many guys wonder if they should do something
DIFFERENT if they'd like to pursue a relationship with
a woman as opposed to just date her a few times for
short-term fun.
I've also noticed a pattern: When a guy starts
to "like" a girl and feel the "I'd like to be in a
long-term relationship with this girl" feelings, this
can be a powerful emotional influence. Guys often
start acting differently WITHOUT EVEN REALIZING IT,
and then justify their new behavior with the good
reasoning of "I really like this one".
...Soooo, I'm going to answer YOUR question by
answering the question "Should I do anything DIFFERENT
if I'd like this to turn into a relationship?"
And hopefully in the process you'll get a good
idea of what to do in your situation.
I have an idea... let's look at this from a few
different perspectives.
Let's think about some related questions, and work
through them to come up with an answer.
Here are a few that come to mind for me:
"If I act like I'm NOT interested in a relationship,
will that make a woman less interested in me?"
"Are women automatically "turned off" by guys who
aren't interested in relationships?"
"Are their clues or hints that women look for to see
whether you're interested in a "short term" or "long
term" relationship... or a one-night stand?"
"Will a woman who thinks that you're interested in
a "relationship" act differently towards you if she
doesn't KNOW what your intentions are?"
"Is it "OK" to be NOT interested in a relationship,
but still want to meet and date a woman?"
"How do women know when men ARE pursuing them for
a relationship? And how do women typically respond
to this?"
"Is there an attitude towards this whole subject that
not only works best, but is also the most healthy?"
I'd like you to take a minute and answer these
questions the best you can, based on your own ideas,
experience, knowledge, etc.
These are great questions to ask yourself on a
regular basis, because they make you THINK about things
in a different way.
This ability to THINK ABOUT THINGS FROM DIFFERENT
PERSPECTIVES will give you a much clearer outlook
when you're dealing with a situation like this one.
Now I'll give you my general answers...
I personally think that women have a basic program
when it comes to men that are potential romantic interests
that says "If he chases me, run. If he doesn't chase
me, chase him."
Of course, this is a big generalization, and it
doesn't always hold true... but it's true enough in
most situations.
If you call a woman all the time, she'll probably
not call you. If you take a woman to dinner 4 times
in a week, she probably won't be inviting you over
for dinner at her place.
On the other hand, if you go out with a woman and
she has a GREAT time with you, then you don't call
for a couple of days, or maybe you call once for 3
minutes to tell her that you're busy and make plans
for a few days later, SHE WILL BE THINKING ABOUT YOU
ALL THE TIME.
I also think that women have other little hints
that they look for to see if you're interested in
getting into a relationship.
Do you talk about having kids? Do you ask about
her family and relationships with them? Do you answer
HER questions about these things in a serious way,
as if you're being interviewed? Are you acting stilted
and nervous, as if something huge is depending on her
liking you? Do you call a lot and get her gifts? Do
you check up to see that she's doing all the time,
even though you don't know her that well?
All of these things are hints that women use to
tell how "relationship minded" you are with her.
If you do seem like you're into a relationship,
then a woman has a much bigger decision to make, and
will be taking all kinds of things into consideration...
little gestures will take on new meaning.
If you're ONLY looking for a "relationship", then
this will come across in all your dealings with women.
You'll be asking different questions, answering questions
differently, and playing to the long term. This can
create all kinds of problems when done "too much too
soon".
My personal experience is that women will act much
more "real" if you don't put any pressure on the situation.
It's when you're acting like this is either "marriage
or we're breaking up" right from the beginning that
you're ASKING FOR BIG TROUBLE.
Another key point I've realized is that JUST BECAUSE
I AM OR AM NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T MEAN
THAT I'M GOING TO KEEP FEELING THAT SAME WAY A WEEK
FROM NOW.
I've had times in my life when I've been single
and thinking "I'm not into a relationship right now",
and then I met a fantastic woman that changed my mind.
I've also had times when I wanted a relationship,
but had more fun being single so I didn't pursue one.
Best idea: Approach the whole topic with the attitude
of "I'm open to whatever great opportunities present
themselves."
When you're with a woman you've just met, don't
put the pressure on. Lean back. Be cool. (ESPECIALLY
if the woman is unusually attractive... attractive
women are used to men falling for them too quickly,
and this turns them off)
If the topic comes up, say "Well, I'm single now,
and if I meet a woman that I really like, then we'll
see what happens." A lot of guys don't want to come
across as being "afraid of commitment". But don't go
overboard to prove that you're not... because you'll
come across as a Wuss-Bag if you try too hard. A woman
won't run away from you if you're not calling her 10
times a day. In fact, she'll PROBABLY run if you DO
call her too often.
Another perspective I have is that a LOT of relationship
problems are the result of people who don't know each
other getting involved too deeply and too quickly.
This is another great thing to MENTION if a woman
pushes you on the topic.
But back to the particular situation at hand...
I think you're doing EXACTLY the right thing (except
for the Wuss episode, of course).
You have a woman that lives a couple of hours away
that you've known in person for a couple of days.
You're not going to be able to spend much time with
her ANYWAY.
If I were you, and I REALLY liked her, I would
call her a couple of times a week, and see her every
week or two for a few months. Get to know her better.
And in the meantime, if you want to see other women,
go for it. Do what feels right to you.
What you're doing now is OBVIOUSLY ATTRACTIVE to
her, so KEEP IT UP. Don't change what you're doing
because you ASSUME that she wants you to act differently
towards her to "signal" that you want a relationship.
The relationship will evolve on its own, so let
it. You're not in middle school anymore. You don't
have to send her a note that says "Will you go with
me?"
But always remember, don't turn into a WUSSY if
you do get into a relationship. If you do, you'll
either find yourself being dumped, or wake up one day
with a ring through your nose and a leash around your
neck... and an unhappy woman in your life to boot.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
...and if you're reading this right now and thinking
to yourself "OK, I've been reading these newsletters
for awhile and it's probably time that I learned the
REAL stuff"...then come to my website and download a
copy of my book "Double Your Dating". Inside you'll
learn many things that you'll never read in one of
these newsletters.
It's the foundation for everything I teach, and
it's all of my best thinking and techniques. Just go
to:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingAdvice.com/ebook/
And if you're ready for SUPER success with women
and dating, then the only place to go is my Advanced
Dating Techniques CD/DVD program.
I've spent years and years putting together all
of the pieces of the puzzle... and organizing the
concepts, theories and step-by-step techniques for
approaching, meeting, dating, and "getting physical"
with women... all with a minimum of "rejection" and
such.
The best part?
I'll send it to you to check out at MY RISK. You
check it out. You try the ideas. You decide if it's
for you. If not, send it back. Pay nothing. No questions,
and no hassles.
I'm that sure that it will take your success with
women up dramatically.
...now to get it. Here:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingAdvice.com/AdvancedSeries/
And I'll talk to you in a couple of days.
Your Friend,
David D.
P.S. If you'd like to send me a Success Story,
Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:
- Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs
max.
- Tell me what's working for you before you ask
your question. I appreciate all of the "Your
stuff is great" and "I don't need to tell you how
well your stuff works" comments, but the fact is
that I DO need to hear all of the specifics...
because this helps other guys to see what's
working in different situations.
- If you have a Success Story, write "Success
Story" in the subject line of the email. I read
these first.
- At the end of the email, give me your initials
and tell me where you're from.
- Send it to me at:
SuccessStories@DoubleYourDating.com
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